Saturday Sluts & Sunday Saints

I was talking with my friend Ryan aka Ebony Prince earlier on yahoo and our conversation about church and religion triggered a memory of one of the reasons I stopped going to church. It's not that I don't believe in God or pray. He and I have a relationship that is unique to us... I'm just unsure of how I can begin to interact with "Christians" again. I still go on occasion but it's been a while. We were talking about someone we both know who has become a minister and is now married with children. I met this man, who we'll call J, when I was 17 or 18 and he was 15 during the summer... He was from El Dorado, Arkansas visiting his cousin for a couple of weeks. Long story short, his cousin lived just down the street from me and J and I had some "interaction" but we didn't have intercourse. I wouldn't go that route until a bit later in life... Anyway, after we messed around for the 2nd time, I discovered that J had a girlfriend who went to high school with me and that he was a whore. A major, major whore. He was fucking all the girls and the boys. I told J that I knew his gf... She and I had a few conversations because she also had a cousin living on my street. She was spoke of how J had cheated on her with some girl. I'm not even sure how I found out about the guys he messed with considering that I didn't really know any gays at that time in my life. This was the first of many interactions I'd have with the gays that are heavily involved in the church.

I was in the choir all of my life and very active with this ministry: choir practice every week, leading songs, traveling with the church, concerts, etc. I really enjoyed it and looked forward to every Sunday morning. When I was in grad school, a man who was probably about the same age as my dad or older joined our church and the choir. I thought nothing of it, really. To me he was just a guy who enjoyed singing for the Lord. Then he started hitting on me. He always wanted to sit next to me... At some point he asked for my number or asked what I was doing after church one day and that he wanted to spend time with me. He was clearly interested in getting under my robe. I told him that I had homework to do, which was the truth. He proceeded to ask me which HIGH SCHOOL I was enrolled in. *side eye* Now, I must admit that I've always looked younger than my age so the fact that he thought I might be in high school wasn't shocking to me. The fact that he thought I was a high school student but still wanted to get at me was troubling to me. I just couldn't believe that this stale coffee and cigarettes smelling middle aged man was actively pursing who he believed to be a high school child. I told him that I was in grad school and drove home. Mr. Pedophile continued to make advances toward me...so much in fact, that I was no longer comfortable doing the one thing that brought me joy in life. My school schedule began to conflict with choir rehearsal, so I used this as an out to stop attending. I know that if I'd told the musicians that I still wanted to sing they would have probably had special sessions with me to help me learn the songs. I just couldn't be near that man again. The whole experience left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I was even more disgusted with the fact that everyone thought that he was such a great guy. If they'd only known that he was trying to do after school activities with the children at church!

After that I met a couple of guys who were involved in church but they always had this internal conflict between sexuality and religion. One of them was always talking about how it was wrong for us to be together because it was against God's will but it wasn't an issue for him when he was talking about wanting to have sex with me. So glad that never happened. I discovered that a lot of people have issues with sexuality and religion around that time. I found out that my uncle, who was a deacon at his church, was cheating on his wife and fathered a child outside of their marriage. He was giving my cousin hell for getting pregnant and not having a husband. I guess that's what I have an issue with - all of the hypocrisy that exists in the church. Certain things are viewed as wrong but more acceptable than others and I don't get it. Wrong is wrong, right? Meh...I'm not going to debate with anyone about Christianity or religion. Just a lil rant.... Hope everyone's day has been good. Mine? Sucks.