Been a minute guys. So sorry for the neglect.... I've been wanting to blog but I've been unsure what to talk about and also I haven't sat down and made the time to. I've had a few crazy calls at work lately and thought I'd share some of the better ones. We'll start with nut #1: The Church Mother. One lady wanted to cancel her home warranty with us because she said that we're scamming her and the tech was scamming her as well. I tried to get more information but she wasn't having. I talked to the previous rep she spoke with in my department to get a little more information and made him aware that she wasn't going to keep it. He said he was ready to let her go anyway because she's crazy. Of course I wanted to know what the fuck went down. Turns out that she's one of these religious fanatics that I loathe. This woman put holy oil on her a/c compressor and then tried to anoint the tech as well when he came to make the diagnosis. I just don't understand how you can just try to put holy oil on a person... Would that not count as assault?? It certainly would lead to assault if she'd tried to put that oil on me. I don't take kindly to people trying to force their religious beliefs on others. Enough of my soap box...
Let's move on to nut #2: Gun Smoke. Totally different lady calls and says that she doesn't feel safe because our tech lied to her and replaced her garage door opener with a used one. Surprisingly, the notes corroborated what she was saying. He admitted to using a unit that he had. He also charged her some additional money that he didn't report to our company. I knew that I wasn't gonna be able to keep her from canceling, but I tried anyway. She went on to say that the tech lied to her again and that he was also lying to our company. She said he pretended not to remember her address but was then reciting it from memory. She has a fear that he will try to come back to her house and break in. I'm not sure why because I'm pretty sure he doesn't want that old ass pussy. She said she's in her 70s. Maybe she has a really nice house? I don't know, but the bitch said if he comes back to her house she's going to shoot him. Did I mention that she's from Texas? LOL. So at this point I had to tell a supervisor that she threatened the tech with bodily harm and we would cancel her contract and make her non renewable. I also emailed contractor relations to inform them of the incident. This chick emails me back saying the tech wasn't aware of the lady being unhappy and that the tech was going to call her to talk. WTF?? Why the hell would you further incite this woman to anger? Clearly she isn't all there. I'm beginning to think that the tech and contractor relations need some medical assistance as well.
Nut job #3: The Navy Seal. Dude calls all upset about his a/c being denied for lack of maintenance. He thinks that we're supposed to clean it and shit. Clearly he didn't read the fucking warranty. Maintenance isn't covered, you dick! That's what I wanted to say. Instead I listened and listened and listened. He could really talk. I again tried to explain the coverage to him since the first person he spoke with didn't get through to him. Apparently, he has more water in his head than he has brains. He of course wants to cancel and he wants all of his money. At this point he's only entitled to a prorated refund of around $74. He's uber pissed and just says, "Fuck it! Just give me the $74. Fuck it! And put that in quotes in the notes. Fuck it!" Of course I laughed because I'm an evil fucker and I found this to be hilarious. I also love the word "fuck" and take delight in it's usage. I begin to go over the cancellation policy and a light bulb comes on. He says he needs to talk with his wife before he makes a final decision. I note the account that he's keeping it for now and provided him with my direct number for call back. I tell you, if my life were a reality show it definitely wouldn't be one of those scripted things. I wouldn't need a script because it's just so fucking crazy without one. Where's that holy oil? Aww, never mind. Fuck it!
