Saturday Sluts & Sunday Saints

I was talking with my friend Ryan aka Ebony Prince earlier on yahoo and our conversation about church and religion triggered a memory of one of the reasons I stopped going to church. It's not that I don't believe in God or pray. He and I have a relationship that is unique to us... I'm just unsure of how I can begin to interact with "Christians" again. I still go on occasion but it's been a while. We were talking about someone we both know who has become a minister and is now married with children. I met this man, who we'll call J, when I was 17 or 18 and he was 15 during the summer... He was from El Dorado, Arkansas visiting his cousin for a couple of weeks. Long story short, his cousin lived just down the street from me and J and I had some "interaction" but we didn't have intercourse. I wouldn't go that route until a bit later in life... Anyway, after we messed around for the 2nd time, I discovered that J had a girlfriend who went to high school with me and that he was a whore. A major, major whore. He was fucking all the girls and the boys. I told J that I knew his gf... She and I had a few conversations because she also had a cousin living on my street. She was spoke of how J had cheated on her with some girl. I'm not even sure how I found out about the guys he messed with considering that I didn't really know any gays at that time in my life. This was the first of many interactions I'd have with the gays that are heavily involved in the church.

I was in the choir all of my life and very active with this ministry: choir practice every week, leading songs, traveling with the church, concerts, etc. I really enjoyed it and looked forward to every Sunday morning. When I was in grad school, a man who was probably about the same age as my dad or older joined our church and the choir. I thought nothing of it, really. To me he was just a guy who enjoyed singing for the Lord. Then he started hitting on me. He always wanted to sit next to me... At some point he asked for my number or asked what I was doing after church one day and that he wanted to spend time with me. He was clearly interested in getting under my robe. I told him that I had homework to do, which was the truth. He proceeded to ask me which HIGH SCHOOL I was enrolled in. *side eye* Now, I must admit that I've always looked younger than my age so the fact that he thought I might be in high school wasn't shocking to me. The fact that he thought I was a high school student but still wanted to get at me was troubling to me. I just couldn't believe that this stale coffee and cigarettes smelling middle aged man was actively pursing who he believed to be a high school child. I told him that I was in grad school and drove home. Mr. Pedophile continued to make advances toward me...so much in fact, that I was no longer comfortable doing the one thing that brought me joy in life. My school schedule began to conflict with choir rehearsal, so I used this as an out to stop attending. I know that if I'd told the musicians that I still wanted to sing they would have probably had special sessions with me to help me learn the songs. I just couldn't be near that man again. The whole experience left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I was even more disgusted with the fact that everyone thought that he was such a great guy. If they'd only known that he was trying to do after school activities with the children at church!

After that I met a couple of guys who were involved in church but they always had this internal conflict between sexuality and religion. One of them was always talking about how it was wrong for us to be together because it was against God's will but it wasn't an issue for him when he was talking about wanting to have sex with me. So glad that never happened. I discovered that a lot of people have issues with sexuality and religion around that time. I found out that my uncle, who was a deacon at his church, was cheating on his wife and fathered a child outside of their marriage. He was giving my cousin hell for getting pregnant and not having a husband. I guess that's what I have an issue with - all of the hypocrisy that exists in the church. Certain things are viewed as wrong but more acceptable than others and I don't get it. Wrong is wrong, right? Meh...I'm not going to debate with anyone about Christianity or religion. Just a lil rant.... Hope everyone's day has been good. Mine? Sucks.

Poetry and shit

Wrote a poem...it's kinda rhymey...just came to me this morning...idk. Fuck it. Going through life... See below:

The seconds became days
Moonlight turned to sunlight
We became one...
Then came undone
There's a shift in the tides
I'm feeling something inside
Different than before
You don't care any more
I think "Where'd we go wrong?"
As I sit and drink to sad songs
How we went from day to night
From lovely embrace to this fight
I'm struggling with this plight
Things changed with one flight
Now you're nowhere in sight
And you act as if I don't have the right
To inquire about your nights
Will we end with this fight?
I don't know any more
This hurts me to my core
I really thought you were the one
That it was more than just fun
How I miss your touch
This hurts me so much
I just want it to end...
So I can begin again

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why?

who does this??

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:-(

a bit down

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Yin and Yang

Yin: Things have been going really well for me lately. The one dark spot is that I have a friend who I've been really concerned about and reaching out to with no response. I text and she only halfway replies and doesn't answer or return phone calls. I'm just about to the point now where I'm giving up on her. She's done this before, but I'm not going to let her keep doing this to me. You can't have a relationship with someone who doesn't want one, and you can't help anyone who doesn't want it. It sucks, but it's reality.

Yang: On a brighter note, it's been a while since I've posted anything because I've been drunk, preoccupied, tired as hell or all 3 lately. Work was actually not horrible last week and over the last few weeks I've been on a lot of dates with someone in particular... I've never been good at dating multiple people at once. My attention usually ends up going to one person anyway so I just stick with one to keep confusion at bay. We'd been on a few dates and he'd slept over a couple of times and he mentioned something about wishing he'd brought a toothbrush along. I bought him one and when he found out he said, "I guess that makes me boyfriend now." My reply? "Duh..." He's a really nice guy, attractive, employed, has his own place and car. Nice catch... So far, so good! We had a double date plus one last week where I met a couple of his friends, and he met one of mine. Everyone got along and seems to adore each other. There hasn't been any drama yet, but I tend to over think these things. Yes, I'm working on that over thinking thing but you know it's difficult. It's part of the reason for my insomnia. My brain just doesn't shut off... Plus, it's been a long time since I've had this type of relationship experience. The last few before this one didn't feel as solid as this. Not to say that I didn't care for those individuals... I really did, but we weren't meant to be in relationships together. I think that oftentimes people have a relationship that doesn't work out and feel that they have to hate or dislike that person. I feel that if it didn't work, it didn't work. It doesn't mean that either of you are bad...maybe it just means you're not right for a romantic relationship. It doesn't have to lead to animosity. There was something about the person that led you to the decision to date... *shrugs* Anyhoo, the booski is great but I don't think I'll be blogging about us much (if at all) after this post. I just have to keep some things to myself and I'm not sure if he reads my blog or not yet. LOL. And did I mention that he's attractive and nice and he sings (and am I rambling)? Damn...I gotta get pregnant so I can trap him. I kid, I kid! Hopefully, everyone's having a great Sunday! Check out the song "My Everything" by Monica below. He makes me think about this song. :-)

Club Chalupa & Chitlins - Road trip with Dayna D

So the bestie convinced me that it would be a good idea to ride out to Missouri with her last night. I agreed because I've never been, plus I didn't really want her driving alone. I'm only going to speak on the hood ass Mexican restaurant we ended up at because I've been sworn to secrecy as to what other fuckery transpired last night. I don't remember the name of if it so that's an indication that we won't be frequenting it its bowels again. I've just been calling it Club Chalupa & Chitlins. Now this place is in Blytheville, Arkansas. We never made it to Missouri. Again, that is fuckery that I'm unable to discuss at the present. The wait staff was shitty but the food was ok and so were the drinks. The restaurant was one half of conjoined twins with a motel as the other half... *side eye* Umm...yeah... They had some boom box speakers mounted to the wall playing pop and r&b music. For some reason the gays had to come in and ruin everything. Well, actually it was only one gay that ruined anything. He was with a group of females and he's black. He and the girls had to be loud as hell were trying their damnedest to embarrass the whole race. Now, you're probably wondering why I say that he specifically ruined things. Well he was ridiculously LOUD and extra gay and dancing. So the place was loud as hell because of him and his crew. "Other" people were looking on and laughing while Dayna and I were mortified and hanging our heads in shame. Needless to say we won't be going back. I just told her that I'm blogging about the experience and she threatened my boy parts if I tell what happened on the road. Since I want my kibbles & bits to remain intact for a few more years, hasta luego putas!

Weekend Warriors

This weekend was filled with surprises, drinking, kissing, flirting, dancing and harassing. So I went out with ______ Friday night for drinks and a late dinner. one of the shots was called leg spreader. was that a sign of things to come?? I'll never tell. LOL. but i told the server that since i wanted my legs to remained closed that night, i wouldn't have that drink. it was an excellent first date. I got tipsy and slightly embarrassed by it. he thought it was cute. *shrug*

Saturday night was so foolish... our purpose for the night was dinner and clubbing to celebrate another birthday. somehow two out of three of us didn't have id. the offending parties shall remain nameless but it wasn't me! *side eye* we had the damndest time getting into a club because of the id situation but eventually found one. I was greeted (read attacked) by an ex. he was too excited too see me and grabbed his friend to introduce us. don't remember the friend's name but I was introduced as the best boyfriend he ever had. I was unmoved. after leaving the club we stopped to say hello to the birthday boy's friend. I don't like him because every time I see him he tries to have sex with me and he never remembers that we've met before. it's like the movie groundhog day where the guy was reliving the same horrible day over and over. he kept trying to kiss on my neck and it totally creeped. me out. I was glad the night ended... I'd been texting sexy boy from the previous night and he was asleep. at this point I wished I were too.

Sunday led me to date number 2 with sexy face. we saw Salt and had dinner and drinks afterwards. it was such an awesome night and I can't wait to see him again. overall the weekend was good. it just wore me out! SN: I blogged from my phone today. probably won't do this shit again