Wish List

So yeah I met a great guy and all that jazz...but there's someone else I'd rather be with. I'm not sure why my heart keeps pushing me in a different direction. It's crazy. Here I am wanting to be with someone that is emotionally unavailable to me. I'm trying to fight through it, seriously. I just don't know how to. It for damned sure isn't for lack of wanting to. I'm starting to cut people out of my life now and I'll cut everyone out if I have to. I just wonder why the ones I want don't want me and vice versa. Finding compatibility and mutual attraction all in one place would be so ideal. Dear Santa, bring me a new heart and mind. These are broken. Thanks.

Christmas Spirit

A couple of nights ago, I met this guy in person that I've been conversing with via phone and text. It was a date to be exact. We'd been vibing pretty well and I guess I was taking too long to ask him out properly, so he made a move. I was surprised and a bit pensive about going out to dinner with him honestly. He's 35, 5'10, brown skinned and built like a body builder...short dreds...very attractive...PhD...SHUT THE FUCK UP KENDAL and you know why. Anyway, he's a very nice and caring guy. We've gotten to a point where we talk daily now, so I guess it was time to meet. We had dinner at Outback and it was awesome. He made me laugh the entire time. Our server, Natalie, was a bit sweet on him. So, the running joke is that he was flirting with her all night and ignoring me, which is totally untrue. We're probably going to hit up the movies this weekend but not sure what we're seeing or what time. I'm also supposed to be helping with a Christmas tree or something, but he mentioned wine so that's the only part I'm totally sure about. Fuck that tree! Can we get to the stocking stuffers and unwrapping? Ok, I kid, I kid! There hasn't been any sexual contact and probably won't be. I want to be around for a long time, not just a good time. I did palm his ass like two basketballs when he hugged me good night, though. What? You would have done the same.

Holiday madness & other goodies/baddies

I have been intending to blog for quite some time now but you know they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I haven't really been motivated much, plus my laptop was possessed or something. I finally broke down and got a netbook, so maybe I no longer have an excuse other than being tired (or lazy)? So I drove home to Louisiana for Thanksgiving and it turned out to be pretty good for the most part. I think that this is the first holiday in years that I've spent time with both my younger brother and closest cousin. It was almost a little weird. We grew up together and haven't seen each other or spoken in so long. We were all very close in the past so now...I don't know. I wasn't anticipating the meeting with my cousin at all. I'm not sure why, though. She and I were inseparable growing up, but as the years have passed we've grown apart. Partially due to my moving away and partially due to her ever changing phone numbers. Somehow, we just started talking again like nothing ever changed. It was really nice seeing her and hanging out. I was almost tempted to move back, but then I woke the fuck up. Every time I go home, I have a crazy cousin story and this time I have two. I love this woman dearly, but she used to be umm...very promiscuous. Ok, she was a hoe. So anyway, when she told me she's now doing mission work I was like say what now? That was the first thing that threw me off, but not totally surprising. Her family is heavily involved in the church. That was a soft blow. I noticed that there was umm... a hole in the living room window from the porch where we were sitting and inquired about it. She told me her brother was involved in a bit of a scuffle LAST FUCKING YEAR and her dad refuses to get it fixed. He feels that since my cousin broke it and said he'd fix it, that it won't be fixed until then. Really? So that's how we do? I can't support his shit on any day of the week. It's getting too cold for this type of bullshit. I was telling my friend Kendal about it and he wanted to hang up on me. *sigh* 

Anyway,she updates me more about her brother and what's been going on in his life and then he shows up. He now has 2 children and he's now going by the name Apostle. He feels that it's his job to tell as many people about Jesus as possible - even if he has to spam them on Facebook with viral videos apparently... I thought he'd deleted me as a friend, but his profile was reported for harassment and deleted. He posted 30 links to a video about Jesus to the BET Facebook profile. I don't know why he felt that more than one was necessary. So now he can only add 2 people a day. If he requests more friends, he's reported for suspicious activity and they suspend his account. Crazy, right?

Now, hanging with my brother is something different. I miss it, but I know that we will eventually kill each other if we spend too much time together. I think that we spent just enough time together this holiday season. I'm not even going to talk about the rest of the family right now because my soul can't handle any more.